I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think one of this newspaper’s readers is feral. Hide yer daughters!

Get this through your pointy skull: it’s FERAL, not WILD! There are no wild pigs anywhere in the Western Hemisphere! All pigs are exotic species, and when released into the wild they are FERAL, not WILD! Their behavior is wild, they live in the wild, but they are not WILD! Are you getting it now, you web-toed mouth-breathing high school drop-out?

P.S. Web-toed mouth-breathing high school drop-out is my new favorite insult. I encourage everyone to start using it immediately.