Prepare yourselves for what could be the best resignation letter of all time. Of all time. Aaaaaand go:

I know this is a horribly shitty thing to do so near a deadline, and will result in a lot of work and stress for one or more person, but I have to “resign” as stringer. I realized (only today) that I am both unqualified for and wholly uninterested in prep sport coverage. Also, though I’m sure you couldn’t care less, my personal life is in shambles right now. I would give you what I have, but I haven’t written anything yet or done any research. I thought I could put it off until the last minute, and I was wrong. If this is how I treat my crucial first assignment, it says something about my commitment and work ethic. I’m not suited for this job. Sorry.

FREELANCER