Paper Haters

As told to us by a fine, upstanding newsroom employee:

We recently ran a Dear Abby column that discussed Roommate No. 1 walking in on Roommate No. 2 having sex with Roommate No. 1’s girlfriend. An angry reader called in to say we shouldn’t be running “that pornographic Abby column” anymore and that her 13-year-old son read it. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her 13-year-old son has read, seen and discussed much more graphic content on the school bus.

This athlete was very upset by not receiving personal recognition, but then used the “there’s no ‘i’ in ‘team’ ” defense to back up her argument. Do you think the DIVISION 1 university she’s going to attend teaches the meaning of the word “irony”?

I‘m getting very sick and upset of this same newspaper section. It’s always about guys: football, baseball, basketball…. yada yada yada. It’s like your sports writers are sexist pigs. I know many people who are upset over the coverage of the football signing and nothing on any other sport.

I signed my letter of intent yesterday to play soccer at _____ University. DIVISION 1. I started all 3 years on varsity and scored important goals. But why are accomplishments by other people on our team besides PLAYER A not important to you? I have been playing my whole life, year round and I committed over a year ago before PLAYER A. I love that girl but you know what? Everything you write about soccer is about her. It’s like you didn’t care about the other 4 of us who have worked hard to get! this. Yeah the other 3 are Division 3 so what. You could mention them not call out one person. The whole signing was my idea and I talked to COACH A to have all the girls. You guys have been doing a terrible job and I’m livid.

We work just as hard to get work done. We won state 2 years in a row, first time even winning, had the best soccer record, set STATE records, and are ranked nationally. You know it would be nice to hear about some of that in the paper about how hard others work. I hardly see anything regarding any other sports. Coverage is not this tiny little box that says our name and school. Other sports should get just as much attention.

Guess what not everyone cares about football and baseball and basketball. It’s not their lives. Some people have grandparents who can’t wait to get their paper to read about their grand daughter. I know mine does. You need to stop caring about what you want to hear and write about and take into consideration other! s feelings too. You have hurt athlete’s feelings by making one! person out to be this super star. Guess what i got news. There is no “I” in team. I know that may shock you, but one person can not do it for everyone. It’s called team for a reason.

I know many people who are going to send you nasty emails like this so be ready.* You might wanna consider changing some stories and adding some to give people the credit they deserve or you’re going to lose a lot of customers and you can thank me.

* No other nasty emails like this were sent by other people.

Glad we could be of no service.

TEAM X is heading into the LEAGUE Tournament after missing it last year and what do we get? Nothing. Thanks for not caring.

Is this even physically possible? If so, it would be sort of amazing.

TELL THAT SELF HYPED SORRY EXCUSE OF MAN TO PULL HIS BOTTOM LIP OVER HIS HEAD AND TO SWALLOW HIMESELF.

You guys have to be either kidding or second-rate!! WOW!

A freelancer covered a boys’ soccer game that ended with a 16-0 score. Clearly, the editors already knew what the outcome would be before they assigned the story two weeks prior. (Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent reporter.)

I think it was a poor decision to write an article in which you embarrased a whole sports program at TEAM A high school. Not only did TEAM A boys soccer team get beat 16-0, they had to hear about it in the paper the next day. REPORTER X did a terrible job in deciding to write about this piece. I know you would not understand soccer, but everyone knows how bad this is. And your newspaper glorified it. Do you know that the coach for TEAM B is now shunned at all soccer meetings for what he did. No one will respect him for a long time. I am a soccer coach in the LEAGUE X, one of the best soccer leagues in the state. I just want you to know that REPORTER X will no longer be welcome at my soccer matches or anyone who is from the NEWSPAPER X. I usually call my soccer scores in to you when w! e win or lose, but forget it. I always though media, especially for high school was to promote leadership, character, and overall community pride. Your newspaper had done nothing but glorify a selfish team and selfish coach who will never coach again after his time is up with TEAM B. The thing about this is that I am not the only one thinking like this. You have embarrased your newspaper and will lose school sponorship for this. As a coach you are not welcome to my team at all. I will be talking to my Atheltic Director as well about boycotting all association with your newspaper.

Brian Kelly used to be the football coach at the University of Cincinnati, and now he’s the coach at Notre Dame. Looks like some people are still bitter.

Last time I checked this was the Cincinnati Enquirer not the South Bend Enquirer. Nobody wants to read or hear about Brian Kelly. Now who do I call to cancel my familys subscription?